happy wednesday. as promised, we are onto key fact number two about donna.
2. i am sober.
WIKIPEDIA: A Shirley Temple (shir-ley tem-ple) is a non-alcoholic mixed drink made with two parts Ginger ale, one part orange juice, and a splash of grenadine, garnished with a maraschino cherry. More recent recipes omit the orange juice and instead combine equal parts lemon-lime soda and ginger ale. Many restaurants now serve a Shirley Temple as a mixture of lemon-lime soda, such as Sprite, and grenadine, with a cherry added in as well.
The cocktail may have been invented by a bartender at Chasen’s, a restaurant in Beverly Hills, California, in the 1930s to serve to the child actress Shirley Temple, who had requested a cocktail that was not alcoholic.
i remember ordering shirley temples as a kid, trying to fit in with the cocktail drinking adults. i couldn’t wait to grow up and have one of the glamorous alcohol filled drinks those “grown ups” around me were indulging in. whenever i could sneak a sip, i would. i felt the same about the slot machines in nevada, where i spent my summers growing up. as a young child i would sneak my change in the machines. or beg my mom to play for me with the few coins i had saved up. the rush was fantastic. the smoke-filled, booze smelling casinos. it was heaven! the signs were all there, long before i even had a driver’s license. i was an alcoholic/addict in training.
hello. my name is donna, and i am an alcoholic.
alcoholism is a primary illness or disorder characterised by some loss of control over drinking, with habituation or addiction to the drug alcohol, causing interference in any major life function, e.g. health, family, job, spiritual, friends, legal.
i can’t speak for alcoholics as a whole, i can only speak for myself. i was an alcoholic from the gate. my intentions were always instant gratification, instant escape, instant loss of reality. numb me now please. and thank you.
lets review quickly donnas personality type. i am shy. i am an introvert. i don’t talk much, especially if i don’t know you. people scare me. people intimidate me. the only way i can get along and feel at peace with you, is if i am filled up with something that will drown my uncomfortable feelings. alcohol certainly did the trick. and boy did i come out of my shell once under the influence. i was fun, happy, so NOT afraid of you. i was social, a dancer, i was beautiful, i was wanted, i was in control, i was dominant and fearless. so i thought. i know now, that was not really the case. i simply disguised myself as something i wasn’t. using alcohol as my cover up.
alcoholism is said to be a progressive disease. i concur. it progressively got worse for me. eventually i was no longer using alcohol in social settings as comfort food, but i was using it at home, all hours, hiding from the world. i eventually lived life in a blackout. the world was a scary place for a girl like me.
luckily, i was able to recognize i needed help. and i searched for it. i didn’t want to die. i didn’t want to hurt you anymore. i didn’t want to hurt myself anymore. i wanted to know who donna really was. and so the slow discovery began.
hello. my name is donna and i am a recovering alcoholic. i will always be recovering, never fully recovered. alcoholism is not curable. i must not forget that bit of information. my life depends on it.
today i am sober. i have a new program for living. i work it daily. i am getting to know who donna is and am having a great time in doing so. turns out i really like her. she’s not such a bad gal!
i am sure that more about my alcoholism will come out as this blog grows. there is so much to say and dissect regarding this area of my life. and sadly, there is a lot of alcoholism and drug addiction in the world. much of the worlds troubles and many of its tragedies, especially in America, revolve around drugs/alcohol.
i am grateful to be an alcoholic. i do not regret my past, nor to i wish to shut the door on it. being an alcoholic is part of my story. it has also forced me to take a good look at myself in ways i never would have if not having gotten sober. i realized i was a lesbian in my first sobriety (yes its taken a few times in and out of sobriety to get where i am today). i found my artistic side in sobriety. i am finding my authentic self. getting to know her. and growing with her. i live a much simpler and honest life now. i have a way to go in my sobriety, and growth. but that gives me so much to look forward to!
i still have a vice. that’s CAFFEINE. i am a coffee addict now. but i am okay with that.
so that covers key fact number two about who donna is. tomorrow i will talk about key fact number three. i am vegan.
thanks for stopping by and hope you come back for the next post!