today marks 11 months of sobriety for me. seriously a miracle. and i feel very lucky to be where i am today. sober. grateful. and for the most part, happy to see the morning light when i awake. wow. times have changed.
i read an article in the NY times this morning about the “hijacked brain” being used more and more as a description for addicts. i related so much to that description. think about it…when you envision being hijacked, what is it that you see…that you feel? for me…similarly described in the article…i imagine a person, with a mask and a weapon, probably in all black, who forces control over a car, plane or train. the hijacker may not be the one who drives the plane, car, or train, but with his/her violence, there is no doubt who has the power and control in the hostile situation. and why do hijackers hijack? one main reason would be because they need to escape, get away, or use the vehicle as a weapon in a far greater scheme. hijacking is only geared towards the needs of the hijacker. innocent people are torn away from their normal everyday lives, by the agitation and forced intrusion of the hijacker. hmmmm…sounds so very familiar!
let’s examine further….
compare the above description of the hijacking scenario to the “hijacked brain” of an addict. the brain becomes an innocent victim of drugs and alcohol…which overtake the brains normal chemical/behavioral responses, therefore hijacking it. taking over control. taking over the body and the mind. the person is now powerless over themselves. fascinating!
even after the “high” is gone, the addicts brain is under attack, as it is constantly chasing the high.
in the simplest form, this basically means…..
i am powerless over drugs and alcohol (among other things!). with that first drink or drug, my brain becomes hijacked, and i become overtaken by the insanity of the hijacker…be it cocaine, alcohol, etc. i loose all control over mind and body.
thank god…i know longer have to deal with such an overwhelming lack of control. i’ve taken my life back…. the bad guys are no longer welcome.
so what has changed & what have i learned in the past 11 months?
1. i do not suffer from that incomprehensible demoralization any longer.
2. i do not hate the girl in the mirror any longer.
3. i am able to love myself more often than not.
4. i no longer have hangovers.
5. i always remember the events that took place the night before. i remember who i was with. how i got home. etc.
6. i’ve learned to have compassion for myself, and others.
7. i’ve learned to be of service to others in order to find happiness within myself.
8. i’ve really gotten to know my ego. and i have put him in his place.
9. i’ve completed 11 of the 12 steps which are changing my life daily.
10. i’ve learned what love really feels like.
11. i feel everything! every emotion. and i am learning to love it. even the painful feelings.
12. i’ve learned to not judge.
13. i’ve learned the power of compassion and kindness.
14. i’ve learned the importance of friendship and the dangers of isolation.
15. i’ve realized staying calm brings me closer to serenity, and acting hysterical takes me further away.
the list really can go on…
the most important thing i have learned, however, is do not take that first drink or drug…no matter what!
so today i celebrate myself for:
of continuous sobriety!