God, are you laughing at me?

we have all heard the statement “God works in mysterious ways.”  he also has a sense of humor.  sometimes i feel like i am just a little plastic moving vehicle on his game board of life.  i guess i am, kind of.  sometimes his moves i like.  other times, i resent the path he sends me on.

but that doesn’t mean i am not grateful for every move he makes on my behalf.   if i am left to control my own game of life, i’d be screwed.  so go ahead God, make your move.  i may follow kicking and screaming, but i will follow.

and then there were three.  three girlfriends.  brought together for reasons out of their control.  clearly God’s work.  no explanation given by him…im forced to follow.  a smoke-filled car.  loud music.  three girls.  laughing.  crying.  stillness.  anxiety.  peace.  uncertainty.  confusion. laughter. love. running, yet staying close.  faith.  oceanside.

WTF just happened?  

i do not need to know the mathematics of it all.  why we landed up together as we did and under the circumstances that we did.  it just is, and that is good enough for me today.  knowing that my higher power has a plan for me, helps me during the harder times in life.  the questionable times.  the faithless times.  the times where i would prefer to just say “F-it.”  God shows up for me, and when i show up for him, life syncs.  and it did, this past weekend.

i feel blessed this morning.  grateful for the life experiences i continue to have.  grateful for the feelings i am able to feel.  when i was drinking and using, i felt nothing pure.  nothing but anger and resentment.  purity and truth did not exist in me.  i was fueled by my own potential demise.  today i get to feel from the inside out.  some feelings are painful, some bring warmth. i welcome them all, for they are new experiences for me now, and they remind me that i am alive.

life is good.

and then there were three:


thank you my friends.  and thank you God.  


One comment on “God, are you laughing at me?

  1. RG says:

    Indeed God works in mysterious ways. But first we need to believe in his existence that I believe is good enough or a starting point to develop a relationship with him. All throughout my life I have felt HIM helping me during my tough times, when I had no solution to my problems and it seemed to be the end of everything for me. He has been helping me ever since my birth. Unfortunate was I, that I felt to realize it when I was younger, His presence and He guiding me with the right thoughts (as if some one was telling me what I need to do from inside). But I did not follow the “voice” instead acted in my own ways. Today, at 25 I understood that I made a big mistake by failing to follow the “voice”. It seems like life is “indeed laughing at me”. With my dreams shattered it feels like I shut the door to fulfilling my dreams with my own hands. No one to blame for except myself. Left only with the realisation of God’s kindness in guiding me and helping me in my hard times previously. But what now? God helps them who help themselves – I failed to follow the “voice” and took the wrong decisions-today I am helpless, realising my dream will remain a dream till I live. Only thing I will have with me is the grief that I acted stupid and silly. But will have this in mind as well of God’s love to His children – He tried to help but I did not help myself. Or I can wait to see if He helps me again?

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