feelings & thoughts are not facts

our thoughts are constantly in over-drive.  actually, let me just speak for myself here…my thoughts are constantly in over-drive.

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thoughts help us to interpret the world and what goes on all around us.  our thoughts describe to us what is happening.  they interpret sights, sounds, scent, feelings, etc.  unconsciously, we are constantly using interpretation and giving meaning to all things happening around us.  we decide if something is bad, good, dangerous, immoral, etc.

because we are all individuals with different life experiences, different cultures, different upbringings, different beliefs, we likely come to different conclusions and interpretations for what we experience around us then someone else might.  these perceptions of ours…these interpretations, result in feelings.  there is an occurrence which triggers a thought which triggers a feeling/emotion.  for me, this is where the danger can manifest if I am not careful.

I tend to automatically believe my thoughts.  I don’t usually stop to question their validity.  and what helps them become more believable for me is the fact that they are habitual.  my thoughts tend to repeat over and over and over again, becoming very habitual and persistent.  these thoughts then set off a whole new set of  relatable thoughts that make me feel even worse, triggering more negative feelings/emotions.

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so where is the problem in all this?

my feelings begin to run my life.  with all the faulty thinking and wiring upstairs…feelings and emotions that usually are uncomfortable or bad begin to take over….my mood rises to the occasion.  i become irritable.  depressed.  angry.  sad.  hurt. etc.  character defects pop like corn in a hot skillet.  flying in all directions.  and before i know it, my life is miserable.  and it all started from one single thought.  that led to a feeling.  that led to irrational beliefs about myself, others, or the world around me.  my feelings have the muscle to run my life.  and that, my friends, is never a good thing.  it is very alcoholic living, thinking, and breathing.  for me, faulty thinking=destructive living.  and a shaky sobriety.

why do the bad feelings overtake the good feelings?  i don’t have a definitive answer to that question.  all i know is they do.  for me it’s easier to absorb the bad then the good.  it is also easier to remember the bad then the good most of the time.

here are some popular negative feelings that have the ability to haunt me and run my life if i allow them to:

anger. insecurity. jealousy. envy. fear. sadness. disappointment. empty. hesitant. despair. frustration. tragic. useless. unhappy. rejected. nervous. anxious. worried. restless. insensitive. disinterested. cold. lifeless. dull. stupid. resentful. shy. distrustful. alone. provoked. scared. guilty. powerless. irritated. hateful. ashamed.

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when i repeat my faulty thinking over and over again and allow these kinds of feelings to be triggered and i engage in them, they become very powerful.  i begin to identify with these negative feelings and i believe i am what these feelings tell me i am….angry. fearful. unimportant. but the truth is, these are just feelings that are ever-changing.  they are not facts.

in order to not let my feelings and thoughts overtake and run my day-to-day life, i must have a strong sense of emotional awareness.  an awareness of HOW I FEEL, not WHO I AM. having such an awareness can help me to stay on track and remember that who i am has very little to do with how i feel.  it is beneath all the feelings that my true self resides. seeing through the debilitating thoughts and feelings is all part of the process of discovering my authentic, sober self. i have spent most of my life identifying who i am based on my feelings.  good or bad.  but the truth is, there really are no good or bad emotions once we dig deep enough to get to their roots.

it all boils down to cause and effect.  once that relationship is discovered, we can affect positive change within.  we have the choice.

i have the choice to be happy, grateful, and serene…or i have the choice to forego happiness, and give in to the false belief system run by my thoughts and feelings for the past 36 years.

im working towards on an increase in daily happiness and gratitude through positive perception and thinking and strengthening of my own emotional self awareness…..one day at a time.

thanks for stopping by.

God, are you laughing at me?

we have all heard the statement “God works in mysterious ways.”  he also has a sense of humor.  sometimes i feel like i am just a little plastic moving vehicle on his game board of life.  i guess i am, kind of.  sometimes his moves i like.  other times, i resent the path he sends me on.

but that doesn’t mean i am not grateful for every move he makes on my behalf.   if i am left to control my own game of life, i’d be screwed.  so go ahead God, make your move.  i may follow kicking and screaming, but i will follow.

and then there were three.  three girlfriends.  brought together for reasons out of their control.  clearly God’s work.  no explanation given by him…im forced to follow.  a smoke-filled car.  loud music.  three girls.  laughing.  crying.  stillness.  anxiety.  peace.  uncertainty.  confusion. laughter. love. running, yet staying close.  faith.  oceanside.

WTF just happened?  

i do not need to know the mathematics of it all.  why we landed up together as we did and under the circumstances that we did.  it just is, and that is good enough for me today.  knowing that my higher power has a plan for me, helps me during the harder times in life.  the questionable times.  the faithless times.  the times where i would prefer to just say “F-it.”  God shows up for me, and when i show up for him, life syncs.  and it did, this past weekend.

i feel blessed this morning.  grateful for the life experiences i continue to have.  grateful for the feelings i am able to feel.  when i was drinking and using, i felt nothing pure.  nothing but anger and resentment.  purity and truth did not exist in me.  i was fueled by my own potential demise.  today i get to feel from the inside out.  some feelings are painful, some bring warmth. i welcome them all, for they are new experiences for me now, and they remind me that i am alive.

life is good.

and then there were three:

 

thank you my friends.  and thank you God.  

xoxo