i was very different in the recent past. one major change…compassion.
i always say how “time flies.” and it does. when i was twenty, i never thought i would be 30. or 35. or 36 (next month). it just never crossed my mind. i figured i’d be in my twenties forever. i never looked into the future with truthful eyes. i was going to be young for the duration of my life. i went about my business as if nothing could harm me or touch me or kill me. I lived behind a very thick smoke screen. i ignored the sadness i recognize today in the world. i paid no attention to the inconceivable. if it didn’t affect me first hand, i didn’t care. and i didn’t care cause i refused to acknowledge anything that my heart couldn’t tolerate with ease. im not proud of that, but it is the truth. and today i speak the truth. sadly, i know now that i was living my life with very little compassion. for myself or for any other living being or species on earth. i didn’t understand that at the time.
my eyes really started to open just over a year ago. it started with getting sober. eliminating the heavy drinking from my life. forcing me to face reality head on. all of it. 35 years of dirty build up had to be taken on. challenged. dissected. acknowledged. and dealt with. it took a lot of forgiveness towards myself, and others. it took, and will continue to take, many amends and apologies for my past behavior. and that is okay. it’s all part of the process. and through this process i have found compassion.
compassion. a small word with a massive impact on life.
:sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it.
if someone says something unkind to me or is inconsiderate, etc. i am better at not taking it personally than i was before. in the past, i would obsess over what they did or said for hours or days on end. today i can accept, usually, that whatever they did or said to me most likely doesn’t have anything to do with me personally…but rather it is something born from their own issue/s. maybe they are having a bad day. or maybe someone said something that hurt their ego and they are taking it out on me. whatever it might be, i try hard to not take it personally today. instead i’ll have compassion for them and whatever they might be going through. and then i let it go. theoretically. like i said, i am no saint. but most of the time i can act with compassion today.
if someone is hurting. i have compassion. if i am hurting, i have compassion. i try to be kind. to you, and to all living species on earth. i feel now. and it is best to feel good about myself, then to feel bad. and i feel good when i live in compassion.
compassionate living is something i now strive for. i’ve taken it further than with just humans and human contact. i want to live compassionately towards all living species on earth. as i mentioned earlier in this post, back in my younger years i lived in a thick fog. i refused to recognize the inconceivable that is around me. and there is a lot of it in our world. this includes the cruelty and lack of compassion that is thrown upon the animals on our planet. i chose to bear witness to the truth nearly a year ago, and by doing so, i had no choice but to change my ways. my heart wouldn’t allow me to turn away any longer. and so i became a vegan. i refuse to be a consumer of meat and dairy products, knowing what i know today. this also includes non-food products that are tested on animals. i can no longer take part in any of that. i simply can’t do it. it’s compassion. and i have it today. i suppose i always had it, i just didn’t know to what degree. with the choice of becoming vegan and showing compassion towards all animals, i’ve gotten to know a side of myself that was once hidden. and i like this side a lot. it just feels…right.
no, im not perfect at the game of life, but i am certainly better at it today then i was last year and the years prior. i still have many faults. and insecurities. and i make huge mistakes. i still have a dark side i can fall into. i can loose my compassionate side at times. i can take things personally. if i didn’t then i wouldn’t be able to call myself human. but i now recognize these characteristics when they present themselves. i can move past those barriers faster. continuing to better myself in the process. it’s progress not perfection.
i’ve visited my darkest demons through this journey. and continue to. and let me tell you, my skin has thickened in the process. my heart has grown. my voice has been found. and my personality has escaped its own personal jail… and continues to make itself known. i am present. finally.
sobriety and my truth has brought me far.
far from what i once was, but not yet what i am going to be.
what a journey.
incase you are interested, below are websites that have helped open my eyes and helped me make my choice to become a vegan: