more time more choices

Although life is very busy and a solid constant of running from point A to point B, I do feel like I have more time on my hands then I did when I was drinking and using.  during those times, I spent much of my life in a blackout or in bed recovering from a run.  Life didn’t have any life in it.

So what does one do with extra time.  One of my favorite things to do is to people watch.  To go out into the world, find a seat somewhere in the middle of Venice Beach, Ca or Central Park in NYC.  Depending on which coast I am on.  Both places have great faces and personalities to watch.  I can sit comfortably for hours just watching the show around me.  If I happen to have my camera, I will snap a few emotional moments to freeze in time.

Everyone uses their spare time differently.  Some people latch onto social media.  Facebook, twitter, Instagram, all become a means of free time entertainment.  Others use gaming to waste the hours.  Video games on portable devices like the Iphone and Ipad.  Or  online gaming like binguez  Some people enjoy gambling, while others enjoy free games like bingo, blackjack, skeeball, angry birds, etc.  Personally I have never really gotten into the time-wasting use of games. I don’t have enough patience for them.  I will indulge in words with friends on occasion, but my attention span is short-lived for such activities.

I love that I have more spare time now that I am sober.  Although life is very busy, it is great to be able to experience it now, in its loud times, and quiet times.  How I choose to spend the quiet times is a choice I didn’t have before sobriety, really.  Now I can go people watch.  Or troll Facebook, or take a nap, or play some games, or see friends, etc. should I choose.

Gonna go check out Facebook now…

LOL

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can you make love to your apple device?

i bet there is an app for that! 

so i had to look.  and sure enough…

im not certain how i feel about the above app.  so i will not say anymore about it.

my iphone, ipad, and laptop macbook pro do not have a pulse.  they can not take a breath.  yet i have treated them as if they do.  these technological devices had become my main means of social interaction.  and for an introvert like myself, i welcomed this illusion of a social environment.  why?  because they made me feel “a part of” in areas i never felt “a part of” before.

that probably sounds a bit pathetic.  but im all about honesty in my life today, so if the truth makes me appear pathetic to you, then so be it.  however, i suspect i am not the only one who feels like they are finally a “part of “ this newly impersonal society we live in.  i might just be more apt to admit it and share it publicly then the next person.

i have never liked to talk on the phone.  today i (generally) don’t have to.  i can text.  i can email.  or facebook you.

for most of my life i never felt secure, safe, or comfortable with you in a room, or in a room full of many “youse”.  or sitting at the dinner table with you.  i found a solution for that.  social media.  i could  now feel comfortable walking into your world…your timeline via facebook or twitter.  i can see you from a distance and i can tell you how i feel without actually speaking to you.  i can watch your wedding.  the birth of your first child. your kids growing.  their first puppy.  your first divorce.  breakups. etc.  i can find out your interests via pinterest or your wordpress blog.  i can learn about your professional life via linkden or branchOut.  basically, i can be a part of your life without ever actually physically seeing you. touching you. hugging you, or hearing your voice. etc.

it’s rather incredible.  and on the other hand, it is rather sad.  I am almost 36 years old.  im not so concerned with myself and my lack of social abilities.  but the youngsters in the world are missing out on the vital practice of social interaction.  real human interaction is crucial for physical, mental, and spiritual growth and development.  in my opinion, kids are being stunted by the lack human to human interaction and contact.  i was born socially inept.   after all, i am an addict/alcoholic which breeds social anxiety, awkwardness and fear.  but for those born without the alcoholic gene or disposition, real human interactions can only be beneficial.

for those of you who have been keeping up with my blog, you know many changes are slowly and rapidly occurring with me.  one of which is my ability to socialize a little better.  my mouth no longer ALWAYS feels stapled shut when in a room with you.  i might not be little miss social butterfly, but i have improved and my comfort zone has widened.  basically, i am not relying on social media/networks to stay “connected” to the human race any longer.  i still use it.  in fact, i think i use it more now than before.  but that is because my interest in you and my interest in life has blossomed.  and social networks are still the best way to keep track of you.  but i don’t have to rely on them any longer to feel “a part of” this world.  to feel “a part of” the human race. 

REAL PEOPLE. REAL SOCIAL INTERACTION. oh yeah…and REAL SMILES.

i think social networking is fabulous and beneficial in many ways.  but for awhile there it was my only form of “interaction,” and that interaction is really just a grand illusion. now i use these platforms more for information about you, not for the illusion of intimacy.  intimacy in my life now comes from real contact in human relationships.  i now know that i can’t really feel connected to you unless i can look you in the eyes.  hear the tone of your voice. and even give you a warm hug, expressing the joy i have for knowing you are in my life.  my tangible life, not my online story.